Impractical Jokers: Starring RWBY
by DaltWisney
Summary: Warning: This fanfic contains scenes of graphic stupidity among 4 huntresses who compete to embarrass each other
1. Chapter 1: Pay It Forward (Pt 1)

Narrator: In a fast food restaurant…

Weiss: Kiss it. Kiss it.

Blake kisses a woman's hand.

Narrator: In a public park…

Weiss: We're looking to get signatures for a good cause. It's for "Adult Virgins Not by Choice."

Narrator: And in a warehouse store…

Ruby: Next woman when you turn around, yell MILF alert.

Weiss turns to see the woman and groans.

* * *

_Cut to images of a restaurant and then to the girls wearing uniforms, standing in front of it._

Weiss: We are at White Castle! We're gonna be working the register and we're gonna be trying to get tips, but it's not gonna be easy.

Blake: Because the rest of us will be downstairs, telling you what you gotta say and do.

Ruby: We're gonna be the worst workers of all time. And if you don't get a tip, you lose.

**Ruby's turn**

_A male customer walks in._

Ruby: How are you?

Customer: Good. One double cheese.

Ruby: Okay.

Costumer: Four white castles, and a small soda.

Blake: Scream the order back to him.

Ruby: SO THAT'S ONE DOUBLE WHITE CASTLE! FOUR WHITE CASTLE BURGERS! AND A SMALL DRINK!

_The customer nods, confused._

Ruby: STAYING IN?!

Costumer: Staying.

Ruby: STAYING!

_The costumer uses his credit card to pay for it._

Ruby: WAITING FOR CARD AUTHORIZATION!

Blake: Approved!

Ruby: APPROVED! BA-BOOM!

_Cut to Ruby now serving a different customer._

Customer: Four double cheeseburgers.

Yang: Don't look at the guy.

_Ruby turns her head to her right as she speaks._

Ruby: How many cheeseburgers?

Customer: Four double cheeseburgers.

Ruby: Four. (_Ruby turns to her left_) And what's your name?

Customer: Gary. (_Ruby turns back to her right_)

Ruby: Okay, and a beverage?

_Gary follows her gaze, trying to figure out what she's looking at._

Gary: Ummmm. A bottle of water.

_Ruby turns back to her left._

Ruby: Just one bottle of water?

Gary: Yes.

_Ruby turns to look at the camera as the man drops some coins in the tip cup. Ruby, still looking at the camera reaches out to shake his hand._

Ruby: Thank you for the tip Gary.

_**Thumbs up.**_

**Weiss' turn**

_A couple of old woman approach the counter._

Weiss: Hello. How are you?

Old Lady 1: Good.

Blake: Rhyme everything they ask for.

Weiss: Are you kidding me?

Old Lady 1: I need seven cheeseburgers.

Weiss: Seven schmeeseburgers.

Old Lady 1: Onion Rings.

Weiss: Bunion Schmings.

Old Lady 2: And five cheese sticks.

Weiss: So that's seven schmeeseburgers, one bunion dings, and one five piece bleeze blitz.

_This draws a chuckle out of one of the old women. Then Weiss decides it's time for a tip._

Weiss: We do accept blips if you liked the service?

_One of the old ladies shakes her head, not giving anything up._

_**Thumbs down**_

**Blake's turn**

_A woman approaches the counter_.

Ruby: Tell her my boyfriend thinks it's appropriate I work here.

Blake: My boyfriend thinks it's appropriate I work here.

Ruby: …cause he's hung like a slider.

Blake: …cause he's hung like a slider.

_The woman raises her eyebrows at this. Camera cut and we see a different woman walking in now, holding her elbow as she walks in._

Yang: Blake, flirt with this woman.

Blake: Are you okay?

Woman: Yeah.

Blake: Did you hurt your arm?

Woman: Yeah.

_Blake grabs the woman's arm to look it over._

Blake: Let me see. Where'd you bang it? Here? Oh, you actually have a bruise from it.

Woman: I'm very delicate.

Weiss: Kiss it.

_Blake does so and kisses the bruised spot. Blake has taken the order and runs it back._

Weiss: Six cheeseburgers for my sugar momma.

Blake: Six cheeseburgers for my sugar momma. Three cheese ring sandwiches-

Weiss: For my booboo bear. (_This one makes Blake roll her eyes_)

Blake: For my booboo bear. (_The woman simply nods_)

Yang: Say this order comes with a kitten.

Blake: This order comes with a kitten too.

Yang: Wink.

_Blake winks, albeit a bit awkwardly and gets a laugh out of the woman._

Fem Customer: Okay, that'll work.

Blake: I'll tell you there's a tip jar there if you feel we've had exceptional service. (_The woman ponders it for a moment_)

Fem Customer: I need my change, I gotta do laundry. (_Blake looks defeated, but the woman digs into her wallet_) I'll give you a dollar. (_Blake smiles_)

Blake: Thank you very much ma'am.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Yang's turn**

Customer: Let me get two pulled pork sandwiches.

Yang: $8.82.

Blake: Freeze.

_Yang stands completely still, holding the dollar out in front of her face as a timer appears at the bottom of the screen._

Blake: Hold it. Don't move a muscle.

_Yang stays like this for 15 second before the girls start laughing._

Blake: This guy doesn't know what to do.

Weiss: What is he thinking?

_Another 15 seconds goes by, and a hint at a smile creeps on Yang's face as she tries to hold in her laughter._

Blake: Don't laugh Yang!

Ruby: He just keeps looking back left and right at no one.

Weiss: He's not saying anything!

Ruby: This guy is not winning this! (_Ruby grabs the mic out of Blake's hand and yells into it_) HOLD! HOOOOOOLD!

Blake: This guy is not talking!

_At 1 minute, the girls finally let Yang free._

Ruby: Okay go. (_Yang grabs some change and hands it to him_)

Yang: Thank you.

Customer: Thank you.

Blake: Oh my God.

_Cut to a man wearing a bandana approaching the counter_.

Ruby: Alright Yang, talk in old English.

Yang: (_changing her accent_) Good morning sir and welcome to the castle of white! (_The guy chuckles_)

Man: Get me uhh-

Yang: What is thou craving? Bring it to me and I shall slay it!

Man: Two hamburgers.

Yang: Two burgers of ham!

Man: Two cheeseburgers.

Yang: Two burgers of cheese!

Man: (_imitating her tone_) And it's free!

Yang: Your wit sir, is legendary!

Man: Alright, what's the damage?

_Yang presses some buttons on the register and appears to have messed something up._

Yang: Tis confusion.

_The customer cracks up as Yang turns to another worker offscreen_.

Yang: Squire! (_The other worker walks over to fix the register as Yang points out the tip cup_) Sir?

Man: Here's 52 cents.

Yang: The most generous lord in all the land!

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 1

Blake: 0

Yang: 0

* * *

Yang: These days it seems like everybody's got a cause.

Blake: So today, we are trying to get signatures for our fake causes.

Weiss: But the catch is, we don't know what the causes are. We haven't seen these because we've written our causes for each other.

Yang: (_To Weiss_) I've written some horrific ones for you my friend.

Blake: The goal is to get as many signatures as we can. Whoever gets the least amount of signatures loses.

**Weiss' turn**

_Weiss walks over to a woman._

Weiss: Excuse me, we're looking to get signatures for a good cause. It's for.. oh god. It's for "Adult Virgins Not By Choice." So basically, I'm a virgin and not by choice cause I'd like to do something with a man. (_The woman signs her petition_)

Woman: Get some girl. (_The other members of Team RWBY laugh at this_)

_Cut to Weiss talking with a man now._

Weiss: It's to "Stop Discrimination against women with micro boobies like myself."

Man: What does that mean? Small boobs? (_Weiss resists the urge to say well duh_)

Weiss: Yes. (_She catches him staring at her chest before he laughs_)

Man: Okay yeah, I'll sign.

Weiss: Thank you.

Man: I didn't know there was discrimination against that.

Weiss: Yeah, you wouldn't believe it with us ladies.

_Cut to Weiss speaking with another woman._

Weiss: This is a petition against "that bitch Irene." (_The woman lets out a laugh_) Ummm. She's a bitch, just trust me.

_The woman signs and Weiss raises her fist towards the sky in a vengeful manner_.

Weiss: Irene!

_**3 Signatures**_

**Blake's turn**

Blake: The cause is called "Enough With This Rain Already." Because it's been raining like nonstop.

Guy: The rain from the sky?

Blake: Yes.

Guy: Like the water that falls from the clouds?

Blake: Just enough with it already. Especially for me, I hate the rain.

_The hidden meaning to this sentence being that she's a cat faunus._

Guy: But I like the rain.

_Now cut to Blake speaking to an old lady._

Blake: This cause is for "People that wanna have sex with the person of their choosing on their birthday."

Oldie: That's disgusting. (_She says before walking away_)

_**0 Signatures**_

**Ruby's turn**

Ruby: Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk about a cause.

Man: Yeah, sure. What is it?

Ruby: It's to "Allow Whites in the Military." (_The man raises an eyebrow_)

Man: Allow whites?

Ruby: In the military yeah.

Man: Whites are in the military so why would I need to sign a petition? (_Ruby just holds out the pen and paper out to the man_) No. I'm not signing something like that. That's what's killing our Kingdom. We're waving our dick everywhere while- (_Ruby cuts him off_)

Ruby: Well I just wanna get more white dicks. (_Yang breaks out into a fit laughter_)

_Ruby approaches two people, a man and woman._

Ruby: Would you two like to help me out? Sign a petition? It's to "Ban Camel-Toe."

_Now the rest of the girls, including Weiss begin laughing. Shockingly, Ruby gets the girl to sign._

Ruby: That's it. We need more women behind the cause. Keep the camel-toes in the zoo. Know what I'm saying?

_**1 Signature**_

**Yang's turn**

_Yang is speaking to an older lady._

Yang: Trust me, this is a very good cause. It's to "Allow people to date their first cousins."

_The woman doesn't say anything, but she gives Yang a judging look._

Yang: You gotta see my first cousin. (_The woman walks away, disgusted_) Like you've never wanted to bone your cousin.

_Yang now tries her luck a guy._

Yang: This cause is the-

_The man reads it over her shoulder and then walks away shaking his head._

Yang: "The Public Restroom Masturbation Act."

_Now Yang stands there defeated, and decides to just stop. She drops the clipboard and the pen on the ground as the other girls laugh away_.

_**FORFEIT**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 1

Blake: 1

Yang: 1


	2. Chapter 2: Pay it Forward (Pt 2)

Blake: Today, we're going to be manning a tourist information booth.

Ruby: And we'll have an earpiece in too. And the challenge is you have to do and say whatever the other girls tell ya.

Yang: And if you refuse, you lose.

**Yang's turn**

Yang: Hey, how you doing? You have any questions?

_A black man approaches the booth._

Guy: How would I be able to find Emerald Forest from here?

Weiss: Well if you guys wanna catch a titty while you're here-

Yang: Listen, if you wanna catch a- (_she grabs one of her own_) like a titty…

Weiss: That's a couple blocks up.

Yang: That's a block up that way, to the left. Know what I'm saying?

_The guy laughs before he wraps an arm around the girl behind him._

Yang: Ohhh. I'm sorry. Are you guys married?

Guy: Soon yeah.

Blake: Have you hit that yet? (_Yang lets out a heavy sigh_)

Yang: Yeah, okay.. have you hit it yet? Ya know what, don't answer that.

_Cut to a woman at the booth now._

Woman: Is there a separate line for plays vs. musicals?

Yang: Yeah. Do you have a pen? I'll write that down for you.

Blake: Launch the pen.

_As soon as Yang is done writing she throws the pen about a mile out from the booth._

Woman: I paid a lot of money for that pen.

_Now cut to a woman asking Yang to take a picture of her family while standing in front of a monument._

Blake: Walk away with the camera.

_Yang pulls out her scroll and holds it up to her ear._

Yang: Hello? (_Yang starts walking away with the families camera still in her hand_) Yes. No. No! No! NO! (_The family chases her down and grabs the camera from her hand_) Oh hi. You're welcome.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

Weiss: Hello. (_She says to an approaching family_) So where are you from?

Girl: Vacuo.

Blake: I gave a handy there once. (_Weiss smacks her lips in response_)

Weiss: Oh Vacuo? Yeah, I gave a handjob there once.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

Blake: (_Speaking to an older couple_) Welcome to Vale.

Ruby: Kiss 'em.

_Blake grabs the man by the shoulders and kisses both his cheeks before doing the same to the woman._

Yang: Keep going.

_Blake continues going back and forth between the two to kiss them on the cheeks._

Blake: Welcome to Vale!

_**Thumbs up**_

**Ruby's turn**

Ruby: Any questions you have, I'm the girl to ask!

Weiss: Take a bite out of this woman's granola bar.

_Ruby stops an old woman just passing by her booth._

Ruby: Do you mind if I have the rest of this? I haven't gotten a break today. (_The woman lets Ruby have it and she chomps down on it_)

Weiss: Wait, was there already a bite taken out of that?

Ruby: Yep.

Weiss: Ohhhh. That's so gross!

_Cut to Ruby talking to a guy with a scroll playing music._

Ruby: What do you got on there? (_Ruby sticks the earbuds in_)

Blake: Start dancing to it.

_Ruby tries to be graceful but since she's never danced before, it just looks like she's been drinking. The other girls laughing as she embarrasses herself._

_Then cut to a girl standing next to Ruby._

Girl: What are you doing out here?

Ruby: Just answering questions.

Weiss: Work the word circumcision into your answer. (_Ruby cringes upon hearing the word_)

Ruby: Eww. No.

_**Thumbs down**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 1

Weiss: 1

Blake: 1

Yang: 1

* * *

Weiss: So we're at Costco. And the challenge today is we will be playing cashiers while wearing an earpiece and we have to say whatever the other girls tell us to say.

Yang: We'll be saying things that would normally get people fired.

Blake: And if you refuse, you lose.

**Blake's turn**

Blake: (_reading a man's card_) Jean Luke. Are you French?

Man: Yes, I am.

Blake: Oh.

Ruby: I hate the French.

Blake: I gotta be honest, I really hate the French. (_The guy does almost like a double take_)

_Cut to Blake serving someone else now as he hands her a wad of cash._

Ruby: Make it rain.

Blake: (_dropping the cash into the register_) Make it rain bitch.

_Cut to Blake serving someone else now, who hands her a check._

Yang: Rip that check in half.

Blake: Great. (_Blake rips the check as the customer watches, astonished_)

Man: That's not the check for the $113?

Blake: What? This?

Yang: It's not valid sir, it's been ripped.

Blake: This is ripped. It's not valid. (_Weiss laughs_) So what's the occasion with all this cake?

Man: It's a memorial service.

Weiss: Yell out- Ohhhh. (_She cuts herself off as she hears this_)

Yang: Who caked the bucket?

R_uby and Weiss let out an "ahhh" almost as if Yang went too far with that one. Still, they're not gonna tell Blake not to say it._

Blake: Who… (She hesitates)

Yang: Come on, who caked the bucket?

Blake: Uhhhh… Who caked the bucket? (_She immediately regrets saying it and Yang lets out a laugh_)

Ruby: I can't believe she said it.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

Ruby: Next woman behind you, turn around and yell MILF alert.

_Weiss turns to see the woman behind her, turns back around and lets out an ugh. Weiss turns back when the woman puts her stuff up for her to scan._

Weiss: Heyy, MILF alert. (_The woman is not amused_)

_Cut to an elderly couple at the counter now._

Weiss: Are you two married?

Woman: Yes.

Ruby: Shake his hand and congratulate him on securing such a piece of ass.

Weiss: (_silently_) I swear to god Ruby. (_She shakes the guy's hand_) Hey, hell of a piece of ass there.

_The woman's eyebrows raise and her husband just shrugs. Now cut to Weiss scanning items as a man gathers up the stuff he paid for as she rings them up._

Blake: Has anyone ever told you you look like Justin Bieber?

Weiss: Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like Justin Bieber?

_The man, who looks nowhere near close to Justin Bieber looks at her with surprise._

Blake: 1975 called, they want their chest hair back.

Weiss: 1975 called… (_He waits for her to finish the joke_) That's it, they just called.

_Cut to Weiss now ringing up an older gentleman._

Yang: There is a mega sale on condoms in aisle five.

Weiss: Absolutely not.

_**Thumbs down**_

**Yang's turn**

_Yang's ringing up an attractive girl._

Ruby: Tell her I see you got us juice for tomorrow morning?

Yang: Oof. (_Turns to the girl_) Oh, mango juice. It's very thoughtful of you to get that. (_Seductive tone_) 'Cause there's nothing I love in the morning more than a cold glass of mango

_There's a shot of the woman nodding and smiling uncomfortably before it cuts to Yang with an old lady._

Weiss: Why don't you ease up on the attitude?

Yang: Okay Karen. I'm gonna have to ask you to just ease up on the attitude a little bit… I wish my mom knew how to make lamb rack. It was always TV dinners and-

Ruby: Cigarette burns.

Yang: Cigarette burns.

Ruby: Now hit the next customer with a hey moustache.

Yang: I'm sorry moustache…

Moustache: Don't call me moustache, and let's go home alright.

Yang: I couldn't even do it moustache, I had the-

Moustache: I said don't call me moustache.

Yang: I wasn't speaking to you, I was speaking to her. (_Karen_)

Moustache: (_talking to someone offscreen_) This bimbo over here-

Weiss: Don't call me bimbo.

Yang: Don't call me bimbo.

Moustache: I'm gonna call you a bimbo.

Weiss: Don't call me bimbo, moustache.

Yang: Alright moustache, don't call me bimbo is all I'm saying.

_Thumbs up_

**Ruby's turn**

Weiss: Ruby, tell the next lady is it me or do I feel something between us?

Ruby: (_to the next lady in line_) Umm. I'm married, so. I'm just saying, I don't want it to get awkward. (_The woman looks confused as hell_)

_Cut to Ruby with another customer now._

Blake: Touch him with your nose. Put your nose on him.

_Ruby tries to do so but the man walks out of her range before she can._

Ruby: Dangit. (_Rube goes to the next guy in line and takes a look at his card_) Okay Richard. (_She noses his shoulder, prompting to look at it_)

_Then we cut to Ruby with someone else. She noses his shoulder and he laughs when she backs away. Then she tries to get the next guy in line, who backs away, and Ruby does a complete spin around to face the counter. Ruby then tries to service an older couple. She noses the woman's card and as the man swipes his card, she noses his back. Then she does the same to the woman when she swipes._

Yang: And nosed!

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 1

Weiss: 2

Blake: 1

Yang: 1

* * *

Tonight's Big Loser: Weiss!

Narrator: Shocking absolutely no one, Weiss is our loser. And now it's time for the other girls to make her pay for her failures.

Yang: Punishment time.

Ruby: So little known fact, Weiss loves dogs.

Weiss: Dogs? That's not really a punishment.

Blake: Welllll.

Weiss: Oh no. What do I have to do to a dog?

Ruby: You'll find out.

_Cut to the four girls standing at the gate of a public dog park._

Blake: When you fail at as many challenges as Weiss has, you get punished, so we've designed what we think is the perfect punishment for Weiss.

Ruby: Absolutely.

Blake: The punishment is she has to go pick up dog poop-

Ruby: And hold it for twenty seconds! (_She says deviously_)

Weiss: What?! No! I won't! Absolutely not!

Yang: Uh uh uh, Weiss. It's a punishment, and we all agreed that we can't back out of a punishment.

Weiss: But, can't you guys give me something else?

Blake: This is the punishment the three of us came up with so you have to do it.

Weiss: …I can't believe this is happening.

Ruby: It could be worse. It could be Zwei's. And trust me, you don't wanna see what comes out of him.

_Weiss walks into the dog park as the other three girls watch in anticipation. Weiss strolls up to some poop on the ground and holds as the owner of the dog walks over._

Weiss: It's fine, I got it. (_The owner doesn't know what to say_) Pay it forward.

Dog owner: You wanna put it in a bag?

Weiss: Oh, I wanna put it down…

Owner: Uhhhh…

_The owner now just stands there next to her, unsure of what to do as she stands there holding this gisnt piece of crap like some weirdo. She would never admit it, but she actually wishes she were back in the manor right about now._

Weiss: Cute looking dog. (_The timer at the screen hits 20_)

Yang: She's gonna walk out of there and throw up all over the place.

_Weiss drops the turd where she's standing and gets out of the park as quickly as she can, the girls laughing as she gags._

Ruby: Here, have a tissue.

Weiss: That's not gonna do anything! (_Blake pulls out a bottle of hand sanitizer_)

Blake: Here.

Weiss: More. Stop being greedy with it!

_Weiss frantically rubs the sanitizer into her hands as the other three high five each other._


	3. Chapter 3: Butterfly Crime Scene (Pt 1)

Narrator: At a Supermarket…

_Blake take things out of a shopper's cart._

Woman: Can I help you?

Narrator: At a Yogurt Shop…

Ruby: Six dollars and nine cents?

Cashier: Yes ma'am.

Ruby: That's not gonna work.

_She digs her face into the cup._

Narrator: And at a public beach…

Yang: How is she doing this?

_She says as Blake squirts sunblock all over the legs on some poor woman who screams a moment later._

* * *

Weiss: We are giving away free samples of sunblock today, and the goal is to see who can empty the most lotion from their bottle onto a customer. And if you don't measure up, you lose.

**Ruby's turn**

Ruby: Hi, we're giving away some free samples of sunblock today, are you interested? (_The guy refuses but a girl on the other side of the tent walks over_)

Girl: I'll try your sunblock.

Ruby: Cool! Have a seat.

Girl: Why are you doing this on a cloudy day?

Ruby: Ummm.. because SPF is always out there.

Weiss: That makes no sense.

_Ruby squeezes out a line of lotion going down her arm._

Girl: (_laughing_) Oh my god. What the hell.

Ruby: How does your face feel?

Girl: Uhh, it feels good? (_Ruby rubs the lotion on her face_)

Ruby: Now how's it feel?

Girl: Why did I come over here?

Ruby: You came over here for some sunblock. Don't forget the ears. (_The girl's friend pipes up_)

Friend: What about her legs?

Ruby: I'm glad you asked!

_Ruby squeezes out some more to rub on her legs._

Ruby: Can you hold out your hand?

Girl: Okay. (_Ruby squeezes out a bunch of it into the girl's hand_) Alright, that's enough!

_Ruby ignores her and keeps going until there's so much that it starts falling out of her hand. The girl turns to her friend_.

Girl: This chick's nuts.

Ruby: You have to rub it all in. (_Rube rubs it all over her arms and legs_)

Girl: Alright, we're good.

Ruby: Perfect.

_**Ruby's Score: 3/4 bottle**_

Weiss: That's gonna be tough.

**Weiss' turn**

Weiss: How am I gonna do this? (_She spots a couple walking over and she approaches them_) Hello. Would you like some sunblock, we're giving away free samples.

Girl: Free samples? Yeah.

_Weiss drops some on her forehead when she sits down._

Girl: Okay, don't put anymore.

Weiss: Ohhh, you're gonna need a lot more than that girl.

_Weiss rubs more onto her face before moving to her arms, while the girl laughs uncomfortably and then a screech as some of it lands on her dress._

Boyfriend: Ohhh, the dress.

Weiss: Sorry about that. Let me get you a towel.

_She uses the towel to clean the spot on her dress, then her own body._

Girl: Wait, no. I feel yucky now.

Weiss: I'm telling you right now, you look great.

Girl: (_laughs_) Yeah I'm sure. (_Weiss squirts more lotion out_) No!

_The girl leaps out of the chair and runs out of the tent, Weiss chasing her and squirting more lotion into her hand as she does so._

Weiss: You have to let it settle!

_**Weiss' Score: 1/4 Bottle**_

**Blake's turn**

_Cut to Blake speaking to an older woman._

Blake: Come in, have a seat, I'll show you the sample. We'll start with a little bit here.

_What Blake considers a little bit makes a splash sound on the woman's arm as some of it actually flies on her shirt. At this point, the R and W of Team RWBY stand there, mouths agape while the Y is laughing like a twelve year old who just discovered your mom jokes._

Blake: Don't worry about that. It'll come out. It's all organic. Let's get the chest here.

_Blake squirts out more lotion onto her hand and another "splash" sounds off as Blake then proceeds to get her chest followed by her whole face._

Yang: How is she doing this?

Blake: Now the legs are where you really see the advantage.

_The woman lets out a scream before Blake pretty much paints her legs with lotion with yet another splash sound. The woman looks like she's regretting her decision to come over here._

Weiss: (_laughing_) Look at her face.

_Blake takes the woman's shoes off to get her feet too. And then she just resorts to squirting it onto her legs, not even bothering to rub it in anymore until a "pff" sound comes from the bottle._

Blake: Oh. Looks like I'm out.

_**Blake's Score: Full Bottle**_

Yang: How am I gonna beat that?

**Yang's turn**

Yang: Hello. (_She says to a group of passing females_) You guys want some lotion?

Weiss: What?!

Blake: That's creepy.

Weiss and Ruby: (_imitating Yang, but in a creepier tone_) You guys want some lotion?

_For quite a while, Yang continues to get people to come get the free samples but she has no luck at all._

Blake: She's gonna have a full bottle of it.

Yang: Come on. Get in the tent. Get in the tent. (_Her eyes turn red_) Get in my tent.

_Under normal circumstances, that would be bad but R, W and B can't help but laugh at their teammates bad luck_.

Yang: Oh mother(censored)! Come on!

_At last, Yang finally gets a shirtless, tattooed man to stop at her tent. She really thinks he just wanted a hot, blonde girl to rub some lotion onto him, but she didn't really care. She got someone to stop at long last!_

Ruby: Finally.

Yang: I'll just give you a little dollop.

_Yang drops a load of sunblock right onto the guy's chest._

Yang: Nice little dollop bud. (_She drops more on his chest_)

Guy: This feels a bit excessive.

Yang: It's not excessive. This is what you do. Come on, soak that in.

Blake: She's doing his beard!

Yang: Now don't you feel protected from the sun?

Guy: Yeah, probably for the next six years.

Yang: That's what I'm talking about. This is the six year lotion. I wish I had more to give you but the bottle is completely empty.

_**Yang's Score: Full Bottle**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 1

Blake: 0

Yang: 0

* * *

Weiss: We're at the Stew Leonard's farm fresh groceries and the challenge is to shop out of other people's carts.

Blake: Walk up to somebody's cart and take food right out of it.

Weiss: The loser is the person who can take the least amount of items.

**Blake's turn**

_Blake's cat like agility was made for this sort of challenge. She could steal items using her handy stealth skills_

Woman: Can I help you?

_That was what she thought before she got caught with someone's pack of fish._

Blake: I'm sorry?

Woman: Can I help you?

Blake: Oh yeah, well these are the last ones in the store. I saw you looking at this one before and it looked really tasty.

Woman: Okay?

Blake: Do you mind?

Woman: Kind of. That's why I picked it. (_Blake puts it back_)

_Cut to Blake casually strolling up to a cart. She just picks them out one by one while the owner of said cart is too busy talking on her scroll to even notice. Blake walks away with a cart full of food, leaving behind an empty one._

Weiss: Are you kidding me? She's got her whole freaking cart!

_**Total Items: 19**_

**Ruby's turn**

_Ruby casually strolls over to a cart and blatantly takes stuff out of it in full view of the woman pushing it._

Woman: Excuse me. This is my cart.

_The other woman with her, likely her daughter takes the stuff out of Ruby's hands_.

Daughter: No, no, no. Thank you.

Ruby: Ohhh, ay yi yi. (_She resorts to using a made up language_) Ay yi yi.

_The woman walk away confused but at the same time, amused._

Ruby: Ay yi yi!

_Cut to Ruby grabbing a case of something from a man's cart._

Ruby: Where'd you find these. These are ripe. (_Holds it out to him_) Hold those one second. (_She dives deeper into the cart_) Two bags of oranges. Six grapes. I'm just gonna take these off your hands then.

_Ruby uses her semblance to dash away with the items she took_

_**Total Items: 4**_

**Yang's turn**

_Yang takes a meat pack out of a woman's basket, but it doesn't go unnoticed. The woman follows her and takes it back._

Yang: Was that yours?

Woman: That was really rude.

_Then we cut to Yang walking over to a whole cart and just walking away with it. The girls laugh at the unconventional strategy, but it seems to work._

_**Total Items: 1 Cart**_

**Weiss' turn**

_Alright, it was time to show her team how it's really done. She grew up in a family that commanded respect, even if it didn't really deserve it. She would win this challenge by asserting her authority!_

Weiss: Oranges. I have to get-

T_he owner turns around to see her trying to sneak off with his oranges_, _stopping her dead in her tracks. The man takes back his oranges, and Weiss stands there unsure of herself now. This happens a few more times, where she tries to abscond with someone's items, only for her to end up apologizing and putting it back._

_That damn Ruby has softened her up!_

_**0 Items**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 2

Blake: 0

Yang: 0


	4. Chapter 4: Butterfly Crime Scene (Pt 2)

Weiss: We are at Six Flags.

Ruby: Yayyyyyy!

Weiss: What makes Six Flags great? They listen to their guests. Today, we will be surveying park guests. The catch is, we don't know what the questions are. We've written them for each other and we'll find out as soon as we pull them out.

Yang: You have to read whatever's in this envelope. If you refuse, you lose.

**Ruby's turn**

Ruby: Hi ma'am. One question for you for customer service satisfaction surveys. "Did you make a poops in the park today?"

Woman: No.

Ruby: No. Thank you. (_Talking to her team_) Poopless. Poopless at Six Flags.

_Cut to Ruby with a black girl._

Ruby: One question for you. "Can I have your phone number?"

Woman: Yes.

Ruby: Okay, what is it?

Woman: (_insert phone number_)

Ruby: 'Kay. (_Points at her cheek, which the woman gets as a hint and kisses it_) Thank you.

Blake: So she just stopped, gave out vital information, kissed a stranger, kept walking.

Yang: It's Rubes, she's got a certain way about her, can't deny that.

_Ruby stops a guy to ask him a question now._

Ruby: "How badly did your titties bounce on Batman, the Ride?"

Guy: I'd say three to five inches.

Ruby: Three to five inches. Thank you sir. Let those girls bounce.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Yang's turn**

Yang: Hey guys, do you mind if I ask you a quick survey question?

Guy: Sure.

Yang: Okay. "Are you a cuddler?"

Guy: A what?

Yang: A cuddler. Do you like to cuddle?

Guy: Not rea- Yeah.

Yang: Yeah?

Guy: Yeah, sure.

Ruby: Get the squids Yang!

_Yang turns to see a group of guys wearing squids on their heads._

Yang: Excuse me boys, do you have a moment to answer a quick question? "Did any of the rides give you the shits?" (_Yang points at each of them as they give an answer_)

Ruby: She's taking a survey of all of them.

_Yang gets the attention of three guys_.

Yang: Hey, quick survey for the park. Um. "Would you love a girl who has a huge porn collection like myself?" (_one of the guys says_)

Guy: Only if I could watch it with you.

Yang: Yes, and can I have your phone number?

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

_Weiss walks over to a group of girls._

Weiss: Okay, "Would you guys say you have ugly friends?"

Girl: Yeah.

Weiss: You do? How many ugly friends would you say you have?

Girl: Like four or five.

Weiss: I'll put 4.5.

_Weiss now talks with two girls._ _She speaks specifically with one of them and points at the other._

Weiss: "Have you hit that yet?" (_The girls are confused by the question_) Have you hit that yet?

Girl 1: Sex?

Weiss: Yes.

Girl 1: No.

Weiss: No. Do you have any plans?

Girl 1: To hit it?

Weiss: Yeah.

Girl: 1: Nah.

Weiss: No. Okay.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

Blake: Excuse me sir, one question for you for the park.

Man: Okay.

Blake: Can… "Can you tell I've crapped my pants?" (The man looks at her ass)

Man: No.

Blake: No? It's good?

Man: It's good alright.

_Cut to Blake speaking with a man probably in his fifties._

Blake: "What's the best name for our new ride? The King's Scrotum, The Pussinator, or The Crapola Coaster? (_Secretly hoping he didn't pick Pussinator_)

Man: I think if you're trying to get a broader audience, I'd go that one.

Blake: Pussinator?

Man: Yeah.

Blake: Of course you chose that one.

_Cut to Blake approaching a couple._

Blake: Can you tell… I can't, I'm sorry.

_**Thumbs down**_

The question that breaks her being "Can you tell that I wax my puss?"

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 2

Blake: 1

Yang: 0

* * *

Weiss: We are at 16 Handles getting some frozen yogurt.

Yang: Which is awesome except we have no money to pay for it.

Weiss: This place charges by weight so we're load up on yogurt and toppings as much as we can, cry poverty and see who can pay the least for it.

Blake: And whoever pays the most amount of money loses.

Ruby: Beware girls! I, the leader of Team RWBY have a plan!

Weiss: You have a great plan involving frozen yogurt?

Ruby: That's right!

Yang: This is not intimidating me right now.

**Blake's turn**

Blake: So how much is this?

Cashier: Put it on there?

Blake: Oh this is by weight?

Cashier: Yeah. (_Blake sets her cup down_) $9.12.

Blake: Nine dollars and twelve cents? Nope. (_Blake takes two animal crackers off her stack of toppings_) How much now?

Cashier: …Really?

Blake: How much?

Cashier: Probably the same. It's ten cents less.

_Blake then gets to work trying to lower the weight of her cup as much as she can. She grabs a spoon and uses it to take a big chunk of it off then lets it off on the counter._

Cashier: No. No. No. Nooo.

Blake: I really only have two dollars on me.

Cashier: And you thought you were gonna get all that for-

Blake: Yeah, I didn't realize that was the price.

Cashier: That's fine. Two dollars is fine.

Blake: Thank you so much. Can you break 100.

_The cashier looks like she wants to kill her_.

_**$2.00**_

**Ruby's turn**

Cashier: $6.09

Ruby: Six dollars and nine cents?

Cashier: Yes ma'am.

Ruby: That's not gonna work.

_Ruby digs her face into her cup scooping some of the contents into her mouth._

Ruby: How much now?

Cashier: 5.50.

Ruby: Hold on a sec… (_Ruby goes back into her cup and eats more out of it_)

Cashier: 5.23.

Ruby: That's with tax?

Cashier: Yes. (_After going back a couple more times into the cup, there is yogurt all over her face_)

Ruby: I only came in with one dollar. (_She digs her hand in this time and scoops into her mouth_) Little more of that.

Cashier: I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

_He takes her cup away as the sound of the buzzer can be heard_

_**Thumbs down**_

**Weiss' turn**

Blake: She looks like she's got a plan right now.

_Weiss says something that the cashier doesn't understand._

Cashier: Hmm?

Weiss: Es Crem?

Cashier: Hmm?

Weiss: (_pointing to her yogurt cup_) Es Crem?

Cashier: I don't understand.

Weiss: Yog- Yogurte?

Cashier: Yeah, it's yogurt, not ice cream. (_Weiss tries making conversation in her made up language while the cashier gets the pay_) So that's 8.22. (_Weiss drops 14 cents onto the counter_) No wait a minute. (_Weiss starts eating her yogurt right there_) Um, what language is this?

_Weiss decides to stick her hand in the tip jar, prompting the cashier to pull her out herself._

Cashier: No. No. You can go. Bye bye.

Weiss: Wait. That was fourteen cents right?

_**14 cents**_

**Yang's turn**

Yang: How much is it?

Cashier: 7.21.

Yang: Ooh. I don't have 7.21. What if I bring the weight down a little bit?

Cashier: You can try.

_Yang grabs a big handful of the yogurt out of thr cup._

Yang: How's that looking? Like if you weigh that?

Cashier: Um, it's about 2.35 now.

Yang: Can we get that down a little bit?

Cashier: Well I can't void out the transaction 'cause you dug your hand in there and no one else is gonna eat it. (_Yang grins_) You can just put that in the cup and throw it away.

Yang: Throw it away? Oh so I can just take this one then?

Cashier: I guess so.

Yang: I got it for free right?

_The cashier just shakes her head_

_**$0**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 1

Weiss: 2

Blake: 1

Yang: 0

* * *

Tonight's Big Loser: Weiss

Blake: Do you have any idea what you're about to do?

Weiss: (_blindfolded as they lead her somewhere she doesn't know_) I'm so nervous I think I might throw up. You can't do anything that bad to me right?

Yang: Sure can't. (_she sends a wink Ruby and Blake's _way)

Weiss: This blindfold doesn't help.

_They take the blindfold off her and then sees she's standing in a baseball stadium. She lets out an exhausted groan, dreading whatever they've planned for her._

Yang: We all know how much you love to sing Weiss, so you're going to go up there (_pointing to the middle of the field_) and make up a song to sing on the spot.

Ruby: And they're going to tell you what the title of your song is.

Weiss: Who's gonna tell me?

Ruby: The loudspeakers.

_A man's voice sounds over the stadium as she steps onto the field._

Loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for you. A young woman by the name of Weiss Schnee-

Weiss: Oh great, just announce my name out for everyone. That's real great.

Loudspeaker: She calls it "Butterfly Crime Scene". (_Weiss smacks her forehead_)

Weiss: Oh no.

_Weiss looks nervously over the crowd, waiting for her to start singing. She lets out a sigh over the mic before she starts._

Weiss: I have always loved butterflies, since I was a child. But sometimes there'd be too many. I murdered the butterflies. Dead butterflies, dead butterflies-

_As she sings, Ruby can't help but feel sorry for her teammate, but even so she still laughs along with Yang and Blake._

Weiss: (_finishing_) …Crime Sceeeeeene.

_When she finishes, the team mascot throws a pie right in the face, drawing cheers from the crowd._ _When Weiss makes it over to her team, Ruby plucks the pie's cream with a finger and licks it._

Ruby: Delicious!


	5. Chapter 5: Unmotivational Speaker (1)

Narrator: At a speed dating event…

Weiss: I have a condition called micro boobies.

Narrator: On the boardwalk…

Weiss: The stars are telling me-

Yang: Your girlfriend's cheating on you.

Weiss: that you're cheating on him.

Narrator: And at a city park.

_Cut to Ruby holding a megaphone with Yang's voice coming through it._

Ruby: Excuse me sir. How much for your son. I'm an eccentric millionaire. I'll buy him off you right now.

* * *

Yang: In the restaurant behind us is a room full of dudes looking for love at a speed dating event, and we're gonna go in there right now and date the hell out of 'em.

Blake: First dates are weird enough as it is. We're gonna make it ten times worse for each other.

Weiss: Because we're gonna be wearing an earpiece and we gotta do and say whatever the other girls tell us to.

Ruby: And if you refuse, you lose.

**Ruby's turn**

Guy: How are you?

Ruby: I'm good.

Blake: Start grilling him right out of the gate.

Ruby: Let's go. Rapid fire. How much do you make?

Guy: Uhh, not much?

Ruby: How tall are you?

Guy: Six feet?

Ruby: Okay. You got a big ween? (_Her current date laughs_)

Weiss: Good God.

_Cut to Ruby with someone else now._

Weiss: Tell him you're in the adult toy business.

Ruby: Uhhh… I'm a tester?

Guy: For what?

Yang: (_her head falls into her palm_) No, Rubes.

Ruby: For dildos and things? (_The guy immediately raises an eyebrow_)

Blake: Dildos and things?

Ruby: What do you do for work?

Yang: Rubes, act bored. Act really bored with everything he says.

_Ruby completely tunes out her date and yawns. A real yawn._

Blake: Wow, she's actually bored.

Weiss: Well he's not talking about weapons at all.

Guy: ...It's actually really interesting.

Ruby: It doesn't sound it at all though.

_The other members of her team laugh._

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

Yang: Blakey, start out with a question that just never ends.

Blake: I wanna know the, uhh, the craziest- uhhh. No, no, no. The happiest time you- Like give me one-

Weiss: Never get to the point Blake.

Blake: Like when you went on, like a cruise?

Ruby: Keep going.

Blake: It was unplanned.

Weiss: Don't ever get to the point!

Blake: Have you ever gone to the uhhh… Have you ever been on a vacation? (_The girls in the back laugh_) You're not really kinda participating.

_The guy just kinda glares at her and then looks around the restaurant before it cuts to Blake with another guy._

Yang: Tell him you're ashamed of your "carpet."

Blake: I think my least favorite part of my body would probably be my pubes.

Guy: What?

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

Guy: Hey.

Weiss: Hi. What's your name?

Guy: Larry.

Weiss: Hello, I'm Weiss.

Yang: Start hitting on him immediately.

_As soon as Larry's ass touches his seat._

Weiss: You wanna go in the bathroom and make out now?

Guy: Pfft. Damn, you move fast.

_Now, cut to Weiss speaking to another date._

Ruby: Tell this guy about your small boobs.

Weiss: I have a condition called micro boobies.

Yang: Because of that, you're looking for someone who'd be a good fit.

Weiss: Oh man… So I… I found because of that…

Yang: Say it you coward, you're looking for a good fit for your tiny fun bags.

Weiss: Umm… What do you… What do you do for a living?

_**Thumbs down**_

**Yang's turn**

Ruby: Go way overboard flattering this guy.

Yang: Let me tell you something. You. Are. Hot.

Guy: Yeah?

Yang: H.A.O.W.Z double t, Hawt.

_Yang finished the flirt with a wink._

Blake: Ask him if he wants kids.

Yang: Do you have any kids?

Guy: No.

Yang: Do you want kids?

Guy: Uh, sure.

Yang: Do you want some right now?

Guy: Are the bathroom's available?

_Yang laughs with him but Ruby and Weiss are a little disturbed by the thought while a blush creeps on Blake's face. They're all brought back into the game when Yang's tooth falls out of her mouth._

Yang: Oh shit.

Ruby: Her tooth fell out!

Weiss: What the-

Blake: That's her tooth?! Yang, be a pirate!

Yang: I'm like a pirate. Argh! (_Showing off the space where her tooth just was_) Argh matey!

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 1

Blake: 0

Yang: 0

* * *

Blake: Today, we're reading tarot cards and predicting people's futures.

Yang: Real psychics hear voices from beyond. The only thing we're gonna hear is each other's telling us what to say.

Weiss: And you cannot reject a line.

Ruby: If you refuse, you lose.

**Weiss' turn**

_Cut to Weiss with a couple, a man and a woman._

Weiss: The stars are telling me-

Yang: Your girlfriend's cheating on you.

Weiss: Okay, this is awkward. Are you guys dating? (_They both nod_) Okay, this says that you're cheating on him. (_The woman looks flabbergasted_)

Man: Cheating on me? Wow.

Yang: Who's Frank?

Weiss: Who's Frank?

Woman: I know he likes me a lot but I haven't seen him in like twenty years.

Blake: Woah!

Yang: Ha! I just threw a name out there.

Blake: Turn the next card over. (_Weiss does_) You guys will soon be faced with a choice.

Weiss: You'll soon be faced with a choice.

Blake: I say keep the kid.

Weiss: I say keep the kid. (_The woman does a double take_) Remember, this is all up to interpretation.

Woman: Right.

Weiss: But this does say you're two months pregnant. (_The woman's eyes bulge out_)

Woman: I just wanna know if I can find my pet.

Man: We got a lost pet.

Weiss: What type of pet is it?

Woman: It's a gecko.

Weiss: A gecko, and it's missing?

Woman: Yeah, he got out.

Ruby: He's doing fine.

Weiss: He's doing fine, he's doing fine. He just helped me save a bunch of money on my car insurance.

_Cut to Weiss with a woman probably in her forties._

Blake: Hey-O! Someone's gonna lose their virginity tonight!

Weiss: Oh snap! (_She reaches out to high five her_) Someone's gonna lose their virginity tonight. (_The woman high fives Weiss_)

Woman: Tonight?

Weiss: Yeah.

Woman: That's cool, (_she says with a light laugh_) but it ain't gonna be me.

Ruby: There's been a deposit in that bank?

Weiss: Ahhh! Has someone… someone…

Yang: Come on Weiss, say it.

Weiss: Someone…

_Weiss breaks into a small fit of laughter, unable to bring herself to say the words_.

Weiss: (_as she laughs_) I'm sorry.

_**Thumbs down**_

**Yang's turn**

Blake: I see a cruise in your future.

Yang: I see a cruise in your future.

Old Lady: That'll be nice.

Blake: The cards are showing me a lot of "seamen".

_Yang snickers, holding back her laughter at her partner's pun._

Yang: It's a cruise, the cards are showing me a lot of seamen.

Old Lady: Okay?

Ruby: You'll be surrounded by seamen.

Yang: You'll just be surrounded by seamen.

_Cut to Yang now with an old man named Herb._

Blake: Someone's getting laid tonight.

Yang: Hey! Someone's gettin' laid tonight.

Herb: Ha!

Yang: Yeah!

Weiss: So everything still works Herb?

Yang: God dammit. So the cards have a question I wish they wouldn't ask but everything works? You're still good down there?

Herb: Yeah.

Yang: Atta boy Herb.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Ruby's turn**

_Ruby calls over a couple to her tent._

Weiss: Ruby, as you flip the cards, read your own future.

Ruby: Mm-hmm. Yes. Awesome.

Man: The tentacles are the best possible card-

Ruby: This is gonna work out really good for me, my training is gonna pay off.

_Ruby flips a card over and sees ten swords on it._

Ruby: (_gasps_) Swords! My weapon collection will finally be complete.

Man: I wanna see if something's down right now though.

Ruby: Ya know what, you're right. Something is definitely holding me back, I should really make that scroll call.

Man: ...Right.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

_Blake calls over a group of ladies, one of them takes a seat._

Blake: Let's take a look at your family now.

Ruby: Three kids.

Blake: You'll have three children.

Ruby: Two of which you will not know the father. (_Blake's face goes beet red, knowing what that implies_)

Blake: Two of which you won't know who the father is. (_The girl palms her face as her friends laugh_)

Weiss: And the father that you do know…

Blake: And the father you will know…

Weiss: Is your first cousin.

Blake: ...Oh, this is the first cousin card. (_The girl laughs while one of her friends just says "oh my god_)

_That girl now takes her friends place._

Weiss: I see someone in the afterlife.

Blake: I see someone in the afterlife.

Girl: Okay.

Weiss: It's Frank, he says what's up.

Blake: It's Frank, he says what's up.

Friend: I thought he was at the hospital.

Blake: Frank is in the hospital?

Girl: Yes.

Blake: For real?

Girl: Yeah.

_Yang gasps and Ruby and Weiss' jaws both drop but still smiling, Ruby realizing they've struck gold._

Girl: He had a heart attack and had to get a pacemaker put in.

Ruby: Tell her Frank's a goner and she should be getting a phone call any minute.

Blake: Oh no…

Yang: Hahaha! Nice one little sister.

Weiss: (_scolding_) Ruby!

Ruby: Oh don't worry she's not gonna say it.

_It seems for a moment that Ruby's prediction will come to pass, and then…_

Blake: You should be get… you should be getting a phone call any minute.

Ruby: Unbelievable!

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 2

Blake: 0

Yang: 0


	6. Chapter 6: Unmotivational Speaker (2)

**I apologize for the long wait you guys but it's finally here! Part 2 of episode 3 is up.**

**I'd also like to say from now on, I will be putting out full episodes instead of two parts**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Narrator: Next, the girls take the bull by the horns.

Weiss: We're getting ready to make some very public announcements with this bullhorn.

Ruby: Except we'll have no control over what we're saying. The other girls will be speaking for us through this microphone.

Blake: We're gonna be putting words in each others mouths.

Ruby: For instance. (_Weiss holds the bullhorn to her mouth while Ruby talks into the mic_) My name is Weiss. I know facts. I'm rich.

Yang: But if you turn off the bullhorn, you lose. Now hold on a second, there's a twist.

Blake: We're putting our names in a hat and choosing two of us to compete against each other.

Yang: First name. (_Yang pulls out a card that says Blake_)

Blake: Crud.

Yang: Versus…

Weiss: Please don't be me. (_Yang pulls the card that says Ruby_)

Ruby: Oh man.

Weiss: Alright, get out there.

**Ruby's turn**

Weiss: Pull that bullhorn up to your mouth.

_Yang speaks into the mic as a family walks by Ruby._

Yang: Excuse me sir. Sir. (_The father turns towards Ruby_) How much for your son? How much do you want for your son? (_The family just kind of looks at her, puzzled_) I'll buy him off you right now. I have the money. I'm an eccentric millionaire and I like the look of him. How much?

Ruby: You are such a jerk. (_Yang lets out a devious chuckle_)

_Weiss takes the mic as more and more people fill up the park._

Weiss: Excuse me, everyone. This is a pants free zone. Watch me as I pull down my pants. This is a pants free zone. Please follow my lead. (_Ruby doesn't do it_) I will now take my pants off.

Ruby: That's not the challenge.

Weiss: (_still talking in the mic_) Yes it is, the challenge. The new challenge I'm doing out here, I, Ruby Rose, is I'm gonna take my pants off.

Ruby: The rulebook clearly states that I don't lose if I don't turn it off. That's the rule.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

_Yang gets herself into character before talking into the mic._

Yang: (_foreign accent_) I hate Vale. You Valeon pigs make me sick. Vale is a disgusting Kingdom. Filled with disgusting pig-men, like you.

Blake: Yang, I won't forget this.

_Cut, later to a man asking Blake for help._

Man: Do you know where the bathrooms are?

Yang: The toilets are up your ass and make a left.

_The man walks away from, flipping her off as he does so._

Weiss: Check this out. Everybody in this park can suck my-

_Blake has enough and turns the megaphone off._

_**Thumbs down**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 2

Blake: 1

Yang: 0

* * *

Narrator: Coming up, what happens when the girls get a little too personal with personal products?

Woman: Do you know what a douche is?

Bkake: I don't know.

Ruby: We're at the drug store doing some shopping.

Blake: For each other. We filled this basket with some really personal items.

Weiss: We have to go up to complete strangers, take out whatever product we're told and then do and say what the girls tell us.

**Yang's turn**

Ruby: We packed a special basket just for you sis.

Yang: Yeah?

Weiss: Alright Yang, have fun shopping.

Blake: Yang, pull out the anti-diarrhea medicine. (_Yang does so_)

Ruby: Now walk up to that lady and ask her if she's ever used it.

_Yang turns her head towards a woman, old enough to be her grandmother at the checkout counter and strides towards her_.

Yang: Excuse me. (_The woman turns her head_) You ever use this?

Blake: 'Cause I had bad Mexican and it's like the hoover dam down there.

Yang: I had bad Mexican and it's like the hoover dam down there.

Ruby: Just grab your butt and say "Ahhh".

Yang: Oh no. (_Grabs her ass_)

Blake: Uh oh Yang.

Weiss: Can you open that box?

Yang: Can you open that box for me right now?

Woman: What?

Yang: I gotta take it right now.

Woman: Are you kidding me?

Blake: There's gonna be a situation.

Yang: There's gonna be a sit- (_she doesn't even finish and rolls her eyes_)

Woman: Here, hold the cup.

Yang: Thank you.

Weiss: Just pour it directly into my mouth.

Yang: You can just pour it into my mouth.

Woman: Wait a minute. (_To the worker at the counter_) I can't get it. It has one of those safety seals.

Weiss: Get over there Yang. Take your medicine.

_Yang mouths the words "fuck you" at the camera and throws the cup at it._ _The woman gets the bottle open and she hands it to Yang._

Yang: Thank you. (_She tries to get her to pour in her mouth_)

Woman: No. I'm not doing it. You have a hand.

_Yang takes the bottle and pretends to drink it as the woman walks away._

_**Thumbs up**_

**Ruby's turn**

Weiss: Take out the hair removal and go over to the girl over there.

_Ruby makes her way over to a girl much larger than her in height._

Ruby: Excuse me.

Yang: Say to her I wanna get slippery smooth.

Woman: I don't work here.

Ruby: No, no, no. I just wanna get your opinion as a fellow girl.

Woman: What is it?

Ruby: If I wanna use this to take all the hair off my body-

Yang: Like every inch.

Ruby: Like every inch, do you think is enough?

_The woman doesn't really know how to respond at first, but quickly engages_.

Woman: How much hair do you have?

Ruby: Uhhh. Well, I haven't shaved my legs in a while, my undercarriage is in good shape… Uhhh.

Yang: Say to her you wanna get slippery smooth.

Ruby: So I'm trying to get slippery smooth.

Woman: Yeah. Okay, so that's probably enough.

Blake: What do you use to remove all the hair from your body.

Ruby: What do you use?

Woman: I don't use anything.

Ruby: Nothing? What's going on downstairs then?

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

Blake: Follow that girl.

Weiss: Excuse me. (_The girl turns around_)

Yang: Grab out the flea collar.

Weiss: Aha. (_She takes it out_)

Yang: Do you know if this works on humans? (_Weiss shudders_)

Weiss: Do you know if this works on humans? (_The woman looks absolutely appalled by the question_)

Girl: What? I have no idea.

Yang: Because I got some ticks.

Weiss: I got some ticks. Um.

Ruby: Let me tell you how it happened.

Weiss: Let me tell you how it happened.

Ruby: I was crawling through my neighbor's yard.

Weiss: I was crawling through my neighbor's yard-

Ruby: With my binocs.

Weiss: With my binocs-

Ruby: As I normally do.

Weiss: As I normally do.

Ruby: I look through her garbage.

Weiss: I look through her garbage-

Ruby: Like I normally do.

Weiss: Like I normally do.

Ruby: Ticks.

Weiss: Ticks. (_The girl looks desperate to get out of this conversation_) Yeah, I know.

Ruby: And there was nothing good in the garbage.

Weiss: There was nothing good in the garbage either.

Girl: (_As she's walking away_) Yeah.

Ruby: This time.

Weiss: This time.

_RBY share a laugh as Weiss looks at the camera, embarrassed even though she can't help but crack a grin._

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

Weiss: Blake, you're gonna take out the douche.

Yang: Look in there B, there's a big ol' douche.

Weiss: And talk to the gentleman in the fedora.

Blake: Excuse me. (_An older man at the check-out counter turns to her_)

Weiss: My friends say I'm a douche.

Blake: My friends- My friends call me douche.

Weiss: And I'm not really sure what it is.

Blake: And I'm not sure what it is.

_The man snickers at the woman standing in front of her. Finding it funny that she doesn't know what a product made for women is._

Man: You don't know.

Blake: I don't.

Man: Come over here.

_Blake follows him a few feet away from the checkout._

Man: A douche is what women use to clean their pussy.

Blake: (_faking surprise_) What?

_Yang and Weiss both let out very loud laughter._

Blake: So when they call me a douche, they're calling me- they're calling me a clean pussy.

Man: No, they're calling you a dirty pussy 'cause you're not gonna use it if you have a clean pussy.

Weiss: Why would my friends call me that?

Blake: Why would they call me that?

Man: I don't know.

Weiss: But what happens if you don't douche?

Blake: But- but what happens if you don't douche?

Man: Hell if I know.

_**Thumbs up**_

Yang: Oh, that's so funny.

Ruby: Uh. Yeah…

_Ruby turns her head away from Freezerburn, trying to hide her embarrassment._

Weiss: What is it Ruby?

Yang: What's up sis?

Weiss: Wait… Ruby, did you know what a douche was before?

Ruby: (_turns back around, cheeks red_) What? Of course I did!

Yang: Rubes… I know when you're lying.

_Ruby shrinks in embarrassment._

Weiss: Ew.

Loserboard

Ruby: 0

Weiss: 2

Blake: 1

Yang: 0

* * *

Tonight's Big Loser: Weiss Schnee once again!

_The camera cuts to RBY sitting on a couch as Weiss stands in a nice looking dress._

Yang: Weiss has lost miserably.

Blake: As a punishment, we've decided to bring her over to the Hecht group which is one of the leading real estate brokers in Vale.

Ruby: They get motivational speakers every week and push these people to close million dollar sales.

Blake: Weiss is going to be their motivational speaker. The three of us have designed a presentation for her that she has never seen.

Weiss: I better not have to sing again.

_Cut to the room where employees are awaiting the arrival of their motivational speaker. A man at the front gives an introduction beforehand._

Man: ...Weiss Schnee!

_Weiss walks in to a round of applause from the employees._

Weiss: Oh. (_She bows_) Thank you very much. I wasn't expecting that. How is everyone doing.

_Multiple people say great or good._

Weiss: I have prepared a presentation to get you guys properly ready to get out there and sell those houses!

_Weiss pushes a button on the laptop and the first slide with the title and a heading pops out_.

Weiss: Yes! You Probably Can! Losing is for losers.

_She says that last bit somewhat annoyed as she realizes RBY put it there to rub salt in her wounds_. _Weiss continues to the next slide._

Weiss: I used to be: much less confident than I am right now. I wasn't always this confident.

_She's a little surprised as not only is it starting off tame, but it's actually pretty true in her case._

Weiss: (_next bulletpoint_) I used to be drowning in dept if you can believe that. (_Next bulletpoint_) And I- I used to be attracted to my first cousin.

_One of the workers raises an eyebrow as the next bulletpoint comes onscreen._

Weiss: I used to be afraid of faunus. (_She knows which one of her teammates put that in_) That's not funny. So that's not a joke.

_The next slide comes up and it's really nothing but a digitally drawn picture of two unicorns having sex with a pretty little rainbow in the background._

Weiss: Oh… Okay, I know what you're thinking… but this is not what you think it is. It is… The next slide.

_RBY laugh as Weiss tries so hard to keep this as normal or motivational as possible, but it's quickly going downhill for the "ice queen". The next slide looks like a to do list._

Weiss: I needed to better time manage myself so I made a list of the things I do on a daily basis. 8:01, I wake up. 8:05, brush my teeth. 8:07, (_which is morning poop_) we all have to do it. 8:28,

_Weiss stiffens up slightly when she comes to 8:28, which is "shower/morning stimulation_".

Weiss: I shower. (_She ignores the other half entirely and eventually gets to the end of her list_) You do what you gotta do.

_The next slide comes up with the heading, "Some failures I've overcome. She pushed the button and a picture of her pops up. In it she's leaning over a railing look like she just vomited as she holds a bottle of liquor in her hand, earning a laugh from one of the employees._

Weiss: Drinking…

_Yang laughs hard as she remembers that night and taking the photo._

Weiss: Drinking. I had problems with that. I had drinking problems.

_Weiss reaches the last slide titled, "Put Failure Behind you!" With a heading below it "The biggest failure I've overcome"._ She hits the button and one simple word appears just below that, "Herpes".

Weiss: Oh lord.

_RBY laugh away at Weiss' "biggest failure"._

Blake: (_through fits of laughter_) It says herpes!


	7. Chapter 7: Boardwalk of Shame

Narrator: At a car dealership…

Blake: These recline back.

Weiss: Back your ass up.

_We see Blake's ass mere inches from a man's face._

Narrator: At a public square…

Ruby: Don't I know you?

Woman: No.

Ruby: I exposed myself, accidentally.

Weiss: (_laughing_) I can't believe she said it.

Narrator: And at a beach…

Ruby: You guys just look so friendly I thought I would join you.

Woman: Get the (_censored_) away from me.

Yang: Ohhh!

* * *

Blake: We're out on the streets and we've gotta go up to complete strangers and ask them "hey, don't I know you?"

Weiss: And the other three girls will be helping out.

Yang: Well I don't know if helping is the right word.

Weiss: They'll be writing embarrassing details on cue cards that we have to say about how we know the other person.

Yang: And the goal is to get one of these strangers to say that they know you.

Ruby: And if you can't, you lose.

**Yang's turn**

Yang: Hey, what's going on bro? How have you been?

_A man stops dead in his tracks, confused as to why this woman he's never met before is asking him about his life._

Yang: Yang, remember?

Man: What?

_Blake holds up a card that reads "Ex-husband's friend"_

Yang: You're my ex's friend.

Man: No, I've never met you before ma'am. I'm from Atlas.

Yang: Yeah, in Atlas. I was at the dinner party. I farted at the dinner party in Atlas. It stunk! That fart stunk! It like, cleared the room.

Man: I must have a twin or something 'cause I really don't remember you.

Yang: No, I was like "HER MEH DUR!" (_The man's eyes bulge out a little as he gives a small smile and shake of his head_)

Man: No.

Yang: Her meh dur bro!

Man: You must've met someone who looks really similar.

Yang: No. It's me. It's me! Just admit you know me. You know me.

Man: I don't remember you.

_Yang groans out of frustration. Camera cuts to her pretending to be in the middle of a phone call before she approaches another guy._

Yang: Hey, how's it been man, long time no see.

Man: I don't think I know you.

Yang: Oh, how could you forget? I'm Yang from that uhh…

_She looks behind the guy at the girls sitting along the steps before a statue, where she sees Weiss holding up a card that says "The Circle Jerk."_

Yang: You know what? I don't know you. I'm sorry.

_Weiss and Blake high five each other._

_**Thumbs down**_

**Blake's turn**

_Blake approaches two, rather feminine sounding individuals._

Blake: We know each other right?

Male 1: No.

Blake: Yeah. I met you guys at Night Court.

Male 2: No.

Blake: I'm the President of the Dakota Fanning fan club. I'm the chick on Broadway on Sparticus.

Male 1: No.

Ruby: Give her a new one.

Blake: I was at the doctor's office last month. Maybe that was it. The gynecologist? Could that be it.

_One of the guys just shakes his head while the other is trying to figure out what the hell she's going on about._

Blake: I one hundred percent met you! I was the one who showed you my toenail collection. I got diagnosed with sars for like a month? None of this is ringing a bell?

_The first guy laughs as they begin walking away._

Blake: I was the girl who stole that baby's diaper.

Male 1: Nope.

Blake: Dammit!

_**Thumbs down**_

**Weiss' turn**

Weiss: You know what the worst part of this is?

Blake: What's that?

Weiss: Everybody knows who I am. (_Yang and Blake share a laugh_)

Yang: Well they're about to know you a hell of a lot better now.

_Weiss approaches a tall black male._

Weiss: Hey, I know you. We've met before.

Man: Uh no. Don't think so.

Weiss: Downtown, from the clinic. I used to wax Sylvester Stallone's scrotum down there.

Man: No. It's not me.

Weiss: No? Well alright, could have sworn I knew you.

_Weiss stops a guy in shorts who's just passing by._

Weiss: Hey, I've met you before.

Man: Me?

Weiss: Yeah, we met at the Christmas party. They had holy water for Christmas and I peed in it.

Man: Oh?

Weiss: I'm the girl running cock fights.

Man: ...Right.

Weiss: Weiss, remember?

_The man responds sounding like he just wants to appease her so he can be on his way._

Man: Weiss, yeah, yeah.

Weiss: Yes!

Man: The chick who pissed in the holy water.

Weiss: Yeah, so you do remember?

Man: Yeah.

Weiss: See you later. Hey, you wanna come to one of the cock fights, let me know.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Ruby's turn**

_Ruby rather excitedly and off puttingly approaches a girl._

Ruby: Hey, don't I know you?

Girl: Uhm. No.

Ruby: Didn't we meet a spin class?

Girl: No.

Ruby: I exposed myself, accidentally.

Girl: Yeah, no.

Ruby: Are you sure?

Girl: Yep.

_The girl briskly makes her exit from this conversation. Then a montage of Ruby talking to different strangers begins playing onscreen._

Ruby: Al Roker's Christmas party?

Ruby: I ate a live squid.

Ruby: I bled from my nipples.

Ruby: I make stars out of spanish children.

Ruby: My trip to Disney, I spanked that fat kid.

Ruby: I sing in a boy band called "Puss."

_The other girls are losing their minds from laughing so much._

Weiss: I can't believe she said it.

Ruby: Alright, well it was good seeing you again.

_**Thumbs down**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 1

Weiss: 0

Blake: 1

Yang: 1

* * *

Yang: It's a beautiful day at the beach.

Weiss: Too bad we forgot our beach blankets.

Blake: We have to find a way to go up to strangers and lay down on their blankets and not get kicked off.

Ruby: We're gonna be unwanted, uninvited and uncomfortable.

Weiss: And if you're unsuccessful and they ask you to leave, you lose.

**Yang's turn**

_Yang's approach to this challenge is very straight-forward because she immediately picks out a blanket and casually sets her cooler on the sand and lays down on the towel. This grabs the attention of a woman sitting in a beach chair a few feet away._

Woman: That's our stuff.

Yang: What?

Woman: That's our, um, blanket.

Yang: Ohhhhhh, shit, oops. Well, thanks for letting me lay here.

_Yang makes eye contact with the man laying on his stomach next to her as she says this, who can't help but check out the busty blonde in the yellow bikini who just suddenly decided to lay down with him and his family. Unfortunately for Yang, the woman is not so pleased by the fact that she's invading their space._

Woman: Do you wanna get off it?

Ruby: Oh, she's out. She asked her to leave.

Yang: Well I guess so, there's no point in me being here anymore.

_The woman just kinda glares over at the guy who'll probably be sleeping on the couch tonight as Yang leaves._

Yang: Damn, I thought that would work, I didn't notice the woman there.

Weiss: Details matter Yang.

_**Thumbs down**_

**Ruby's turn**

Weiss: Alright, who's the unlucky person that Ruby's gonna join.

_Ruby picks a couple laying down together on their blanket and just kinda circles around them while looking around._

Blake: She's like a shark circling her prey.

_Ruby sets her cooler down next to the blanket and casually sits on it, an approach similar to Yang's except executed less confidently since she's not great with people._

Woman: What can I help you there with?

Ruby: Well… (_She tries to fish for something to say_) It's starting to rain…

Weiss: What?

Blake: Is that the best excuse she can come up with.

Woman: So you just go up to random people you don't know and sit down on their blankets?

Ruby: Well, you just seemed so friendly, I thought I would join you.

_The couple get up._

Ruby: Is it okay if I hang out.

Woman: No, I'm out. (_She gestures for her to get up_) Excuse me. I don't know who the (_censored_) you are. Get the (_censored_) away from me.

_At this point, Weiss and Blake are desperately trying to hold back a red-eyed Yang from obliterating these two people._

Weiss: Ruby, code-red, code-red!

Ruby: Uh oh!

_**Thumbs down**_

**Blake's turn**

_Blake holds her scroll up to her ear and shouts loudly at the person that she's not talking to._

Blake: No! I have the cooler, you can go to hell!

_Blake shouts various things as she walks along the sands of the beach._

Blake: No, screw you! _(She stops at a blanket with two girls trying to just enjoy their day_) I don't care! I'm sitting down exactly where I am! (_She plants her ass directly on the blanket as the two girls look at her with surprise all over their face_)

Girl 1: Oh my god!

Blake: No! No! (_She turns to the two girls on the blanket_) My boyfriend made me park the car and I can't find him. And I've been looking for a half-freaking hour. (_She goes to back her scroll_) I'll see you back at the car later. Bye. (_She angrily hangs up before laying down to relax_)

Girl 1: Jeez girl. That bad.

Blake: You have no idea.

Yang: No way! They're just gonna let her stay?

_**Thumbs up**_

**Weiss' turn**

Yang: Where's she going?

Blake: She's heading towards that empty blanket.

Weiss: I don't see anybody. Maybe they're in the ocean?

_Weiss sets her cooler down on the blanket and lies down on her back and just pretends to be asleep. The only thing to do now is wait. Soon enough, Blake spots a woman walking towards the blanket Weiss is laying on._

Blake: Is that her?

Ruby: She's looking that way.

Yang: Well suddenly there's a cooler, a floatie.

Blake: And a petite rich girl.

Yang: On the blanket.

_Weiss starts to make some obnoxious noise._

Ruby: Is she snoring?

Blake: She didn't actually…

Yang: Nah, no way.

Woman: Excuse me.

_Weiss opens up her eyes and pretends to be tired and dreary._

Weiss: Oh, hey bro. Hi.

Woman: Hi.

Weiss: Hi. How are you?

Woman: Pretty good. My blanket.

Weiss: Oh, this is… (_She looks around herself_) I'm sorry, it looked like mine.

Woman: That's okay.

Yang: Come on, get her off. That's your blanket.

Weiss: I hope the weather holds up. (_The woman takes a quick look to the sky_)

Blake: She's so friendly, Weiss might get away with this.

Weiss: I have food and drinks if you want something?

Woman: No, I'm good.

Weiss: Are you sure? (_The woman sits down next to her_)

Ruby: She's killing her with kindness. I got news for you, she's inviting her over for dinner tonight.

Woman: They have the Addams family?

Weiss: Yeah, and that's the big ticket right now.

Yang: She came over to wake her up, she said what's up bro and now they're talking about broadway?!

Weiss: It's a nice day to be laying out on a blanket. I'm gonna take a little snooze. Would you mind waking me up in a half hour?

Woman: Sure.

Weiss: Thank you. (_Weiss falls back into her fake nap_)

Ruby: I don't believe this!

Yang: No freaking way!

_The woman shakes her head, picks up a book and just lays down next to her._

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 2

Weiss: 0

Blake: 1

Yang: 2

* * *

Ruby: Today, we're in a grocery store. The challenge is we have to get people to repeat back to us a very specific word. If you can't get them to parret that word back to you, game over.

**Ruby's turn**

Blake: Ruby, try to get someone to say the word "oodles".

_Ruby heads over to the meat department and grabs up container after container of it before speaking to a woman a few feet away from her._

Ruby: I buy oodles of this stuff. (_The woman nods in response_) You know what it's like when you buy oodles of things right?

Woman: Yeah, yeah. Grab them all.

Ruby: If it feels right, get oodles of it. (_The woman looks at the many meat choices, very clearly just wanting to shop_) So are you gonna get oodles of that?

Woman: I don't know.

Ruby: You gotta go with your oodle instinct.

Woman: I know and see.

_Ruby's plan to just repeat the word doesn't really work as the woman is soon on her way._

Woman: Nice meeting you.

_Ruby throws her arms in the air out of frustration._

_**Thumbs down**_

**Weiss' turn**

Blake: Try to get someone to say the word "nougat".

Weiss: Easy.

_Weiss stops her cart by a woman who's about to pass by._

Weiss: Pardon me, ma'am. Sorry if I'm disturbing you, but do you know if there's a candy aisle anywhere? I'm looking for nougat. (_The woman looks puzzled by it_) It's like a caramel. I only see like meats and-

Woman: Maybe, it's at the very end.

Weiss: So there is?

Woman: Well, they may not have **nougat**-

Blake: Oh, she got it.

Weiss: Thank you, I appreciate it more than you know.

_Weiss stares smugly at the camera and gives a wink._

Yang: _(jokingly_) She's such a jerk.

_**Thumbs up**_

**Blake's turn**

Ruby: Get someone to say "bolognese".

Blake: What's that?

Weiss: What's nougat?

Blake: Okay, fair enough.

_Blake stops a male shopper._

Blake: Excuse me, have you seen the bolognese sauce?

Man: I'm not sure.

Blake: I saw it on the circular that they had it on sale, and I've been looking all over for bolognese.

Man: I don't know where they would put it. (_Pointing_) Their sauces are usually right over here.

Blake: That's a shame. Bolognese is so good. Like really good. Bolognese sauce. (_The guy just says things like "yeah" "I know" "it is good" as Blake is talking)_ Like sometimes you just need to say it really loud. Like BOLOGNESE!

_The man tries to get away, but Blake walks with him as RWY laugh at her now desperate attempt to win this challenge._

Blake: Like you just want to shout to the heavens BOLOGNESE, BOLOGNESE, and no one says it. What the hell does it take to get someone to say the word bolognese?

…

Blake: You're killing me!

_**Thumbs down**_

**Yang's turn**

Blake: Get them to say "vis-a-vis".

_Yang approaches an elder woman._

Yang: Do you know where I can get coconuts?

Woman: Like fresh coconuts?

Yang: Yeah, like vis-a-vis, like a coconut.

_Ruby laughs as Weiss and Blake try deciphering what that means._

Weiss: That doesn't make any sense.

_Yang makes a gesture with her hands as if she's holding a coconut._

Yang: Like vis-a-vis.

Blake: It sounds like her plan is to just repeat it until it catches on.

Weiss: Right, because that worked out great for the two of you.

Woman: I'm sorry, I have no idea.

Yang: Really, vis-a-vis?

Woman: No, about the coconut, not about the **vis-a-vis**.

Yang: Vis-a-vis!

_Yang triumphantly raises her arms into the air._

Ruby and Blake: That worked?!

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 3

Weiss: 0

Blake: 2

Yang: 2

* * *

Narrator: What will it take to get these customers into a new car?

_Ruby uses her semblance to fly into the view of the camera, dressed in a nice looking, red, business dress._

Ruby: Come on down to Route 23 Automault!

_Blake pops her head out of the window of a car, wearing a similar dress to Ruby's except black._

Blake: Where we're selling cars all day long!

_Weiss comes into view as we see she's wearing a white dress._

Weiss: The challenge is to get customers into the trunk!

_Weiss opens up the trunk of the car and gestures to the inside with her arms as if presenting something._

_Now, we see Yang, her hair pulled up into a ponytail and for whatever reason, a fake moustache and glasses._

Yang: It's gonna be bonkers!

_Yang waves her hands around as the camera zooms in and back out over and over very quickly as she says this._

**Blake's turn**

_Blake gets two customers, a man and woman, most likely a couple._

Ruby: Before you get them in the trunk, set the mood for these two.

Blake: What I love about this car is it's… a little romantic… (_She gets a lewd grin on her face as she looks at the woman_) If you're looking to get it on, these seats go all the way back.

Weiss: You have to get them in the trunk.

Blake: These recline back.

_Blake turns around, and fiddles with the back seats, but puts her ass out for them to see without even realizing it._

Ruby: Keep your ass up.

Weiss: No, back you ass up.

_As Blake is messing with the seats, she begins backing up more and more until eventually her ass is practically in the couple's faces._

Blake: There we go, almost.

_Blake gets the seats down and turns her body around so her other end is facing them now._

Blake: Look at all the room you've got if you're looking to hit this.

Weiss: Demonstrate.

Blake: You can do anything you want. Maybe something like…

_Blake lays on her stomach, then props herself up slightly, putting her other hand behind her head before starting to hump the back seats. At this point, the woman is dying from laughter before exiting the car._

Blake: Wait, ma'am. Where are you going? Please come back.

_**Thumbs down**_

**Yang's turn**

_Yang seems to have ditched her fake moustache and her glasses. She enthusiastically approaches an older looking gentleman._

Yang: Hello there sir, how are you doing today?

Man: I'm good.

Yang: Well you're about to be even better because boy do I have a deal for you.

_Yang leads him over the Sentra._

Man: No, I'm not looking for something like this.

Yang: Oh come on. (_Yang opens up the trunk_) Look at this thing? Look at how much room you got. You could throw a body in there right? Watch this. (_Yang gets into the trunk herself_) Try it out. We'll see if you can fit a body in here. You just whacked me. Shoot it.

Weiss: Please, I'll get you the money!

Yang: (_She pretends to have her hands tied up_) Please, I'll get you the money! I'll get you your money! Please don't do it! You wanna try it now?

Man: What the hell am I gonna do in a trunk? (_He shuts the trunk while she's still in_)

Yang: Woah!

_Epic fail. Not only does Yang not win, but she's the one who gets shut in the trunk._

_**Thumbs down**_

**Ruby's turn**

_Ruby's customer is a woman, probably in her early to mid thirties._

Weiss: Before you get this woman in the trunk, we have something for you to do in the front seat. (_Ruby opens the driver's side door for her to enter while Ruby gets in the passenger seat_) Now, after every question she asks, say "let me ask my manager", get out of the car and come back.

Woman: The GPS is there?

Ruby: Let me ask my manager.

_Ruby walks in a circle around the car before returning._

Ruby: Yeah, that's the GPS there.

Woman: Why are all these lights flickering.

Ruby: Let me ask my manager. (_Ruby repeats_) They flicker when the car's on. Is there a specific price range you're looking at orrr-

Woman: I wanna lease it.

Ruby: You wanna- I gotta check. (_Ruby leaves again_)

Yang: Keep walking around the car but never find the manager.

_Ruby starts walking laps around the car._

Ruby: Nora. Nora. Nora. (_Getting louder_) Nora! Nora! Nora!

_Her walk turns into a full on sprint and she starts doing multiple laps around the vehicle while shouting Nora._

Ruby: Nora! Nora! Nora! Nora!

_Meanwhile, the woman in the car is just sitting in the driver's seat utterly confused, and just wanting to get a new car. Ruby eventually returns to the passenger seat._

Ruby: Can't find her. (_Shuts door_) What was the question?

Yang: Alright, now see if you can get her in the trunk.

_Ruby tells the woman to follow her to the Sentra. Ruby opens up the trunk so she can take a look._

Weiss: Ask her if she likes a lot of junk in the trunk.

Ruby: So… Do you like a lot of junk in the trunk?

Woman: (_laughing_) That's not nice.

Ruby: You can get in. That's how much room there is.

Woman: I don't think so.

Ruby: No, you can. Let me show you.

Woman: That's not what I- (_she cuts herself off upon seeing Ruby trying to get into the trunk_)

Ruby: Come in with me.

Woman: No, no, I'm good.

Ruby: Come on.

Woman: No.

Ruby: Dangit.

_**Thumbs down**_

**Weiss' turn**

_Weiss walks over to two guys and gets them into a car, one in the driver's seat, the other in the backseat with her in the passenger._

Ruby: Bargain and keep going lower.

Weiss: Well this comes in at- 26? I could do 25. 24.5 I could try. If you really make the sale I could probably do 22. (_The guy in the driver's seat just nods away as she goes on_) I mean, who said 21? I didn't say 20.

Ruby: Keep going.

Weiss: Well if you can match that for 19, we could do it for 18.5.

Guy: Just keep going down?

Weiss: If your dad comes in and say we can do it for 18.5, well get it from 17.9. Best I can do is 17,000. Don't even ask with 16 'cause we'll do 15.

Blake: Now get them in the trunk.

Weiss: Come with me, I'll show you the trunk. You can get in it, that's how much space there is.

Guy 1: Really?

Weiss: Yeah. Get in.

Guy 1: Can we do that?

Weiss: Yes. This is a method I use to sell cars all the time.

_The guy sits on the trunk, contemplating it._

Weiss: Try it out.

_The guy is apparently convinced because he gets in the trunk. Weiss turns to the other guy._

Weiss: Alright, your turn.

Guy 2: Wait, me too?

Weiss: Yeah, it's big enough for two people. Try it out.

_The other guy looks inside, the one already in the trunk scooting back to make room, as Weiss cockily grins towards the camera._

Blake: No way!

Ruby: She's getting two people in the trunk?

Yang: If she actually pulls this off…

_The second guy gets in the trunk with the other one, the are scrunched together but they both fit._

Weiss: See? What I tell you?

_Weiss shuts the trunk, causing RBY to all let out an exasperated grunt. Weiss bows towards the camera before saying._

Weiss: That trunk is probably big enough for three losers too.

_**Thumbs up**_

Loserboard

Ruby: 4

Weiss: 0

Blake: 3

Yang: 3

* * *

Tonight's Big Loser: Ruby!

Narrator: Now, Ruby has to do something so disgusting, we can't even show it to you, but we will.

_The camera cuts to the four girls standing on a boardwalk. Ruby has a sign hanging from around her neck that says "I lost a bet. Ask me what I have to do."_

Yang: We've driven down here to the beautiful beach. We're on the boardwalk and we're gonna send Ruby out with that sign, and five envelopes containing some of the absolute worst punishments that we could think of.

Weiss: She has to let a random person pick an envelope and no matter how bad it is, she has to do whatever it says inside.

Ruby: (_engaging puppy eye mode_) Come on, can't you gals cut me a break…

Weiss: I had to pick up dog poop with my bare hands. You're crazy if you think I'm letting you back out of this.

_Ruby very reluctantly begins the walk of shame as she's stopped by a woman in a purple shirt._

Woman: Hey.

Ruby: Hi…

Woman: How are you?

Ruby: Great… (_The woman chuckles as Ruby holds the five envelopes out for her to pick from_) Open one up and tell me what it says I have to do.

_The woman chooses an envelope and opens it up._

Woman: Put my toe in your mouth.

_Ruby's eyes almost fly out of her head like out of an old school cartoon._

Weiss: **VENGEANCE IS MINE!**

Blake: Groooooss!

Yang: Little sis, I'm okay with you if you don't do it.

Weiss: She's not getting off the hook! Do it! Get the big one!

_The woman takes off her shoe and her sock and the sight that beholds Ruby is ghastly. The woman's foot doesn't look like it's been taken care of in quite a while. Ruby gets on her knees and prepares to meet her fate. She can hear Yang gagging in her earpiece which in turn causes her to begin gagging as well, which gets the woman laughing._

Ruby: This is so gross!

_Dramatic music plays as Ruby puts the woman's big toe in her mouth before spitting it out a second later._

Ruby: EW! EW! EW!

_Ruby uses her semblance to quickly get out of there. Of course, the toe punishment was Weiss' idea, and she begins having one of her diabolical inner monologues, plotting what she's going to do to get back at Yang and Blake next._


End file.
